Cut Throat. Slaughtered. Where did it all go wrong?
Cut Throat. Slaughtered. Where did it all go wrong?
Story number 3 from my week writing with The Unbound Press
La la la la la la la la la
Sounds pouring from every door of this corridor. A mash-up of beautiful sounds; being sent out from the throats and chords of young lambs…
Lining up willing to be slaughtered
Up a semitone Natalie
la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
TONGUE DOWN
La la la la la la la la la
RELAX YOUR JAW
La la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la Tra la la la
watching the stomach zipping in and out like a hose trilling on its own energetic pump
rousing energy
Vrrrrrrrr (sliding deliciously up an octave the voice wishes to be as seductive as a pole dancer sliding down the pole)
LIFT YOUR SOFT PALLET
VRRRRRRRRRRRRR
More space opens for the voice to escape to be free to be heard
20 years old. Standing in the Royal Northern College of Music. Vocal room 3 with my gorgeous teacher Sandra Dugdale.
My voice won me a place at this prestigious college of Music.
Music was my world.
Opera. My passion.
1994 aged 14 years old
Mum: what would you like for your birthday, Natalie?
Natalie: for this birthday Mum I would love Maria Calla’s Ultimate Hits
1998
Mum: what would you like for your Christmas gift Natalie?
Natalie: I would love the whole score of Le Nozze Di Figaro
2000
Mum: congratulations darling daughter you have won a place at the Royal Northern College of Music. I am so proud of you.
2004
Natalie: Mum I will not be going to my graduation. They raped me. They robbed me. I no longer want to sing.
Mum: Where did it all go wrong?
2005
Applaud from the streets of Tunbridge Wells - I am singing again. I kicked the arse out of this role. Tonight, Tonight won’t be just any night. I feel pretty. Maria, I just met a girl named Maria.
TURNING POINT
Ok, I can do this. I can sing again.
Fuck them.
You know I failed pedagogy.
The crumpled faces of the singers of yesteryear. I crumpled in the thick folds of their crow line scrutiny. I buckled. Yet I earned over 200k being a singing teacher. IRONIC
Yes Alanis Morisette - It is.
2008
Walking down a very typical street in London. 3 songs in my mind. A panel in front of me. Made them laugh.
Natalie: Ring, ring Mum this time it went so well. I think I got the part.
Mum: so good to hear Natalie
2010
Make my own way. Build my own website. My own business. My own songs and sounds.
2012
Natalie: Marcel will you be our agent?
2013
Howard died. I stopped singing again. I took up breathing instead.
2014
Singing again
£1500 jackpot that’s why I bought him in…to gain the respect that our voices are worth. All the hours of nurturing our act took £50 is an insult.
Why do people think singers and entertainers come for free?….deserve less…
The lack story embedded into our cells
Go get a proper job
You can’t make it in life as a singer or an artist go to University. Go get a degree. Years of untruths- sewn into the make-up of our bodies and beings.
2016
Turning point - singing in cafes isn’t what I want anymore. There must be so much more than this. My voice: I just know has to reach millions of hearts. It is screaming. I was born screaming.
NOTE TO SELF: SCREAM more
2017 launched a yoga and coaching business …rabbit hole…; warren…down
Down
Deeper
Down
Buried
How do I get out?
I am alive. Buried alive in pleasing others? Do you know what that feels like?
Yes - turn right down the warren to the EXIT now darling one as you are worth so much more than this…
NO - turn right down the warren to the EXIT now darling one as you are worth so much more than this…
2020
The world tells me I must stay in my home. I can’t leave. I become a radio presenter. I start to use my voice again. One show reaches 20k listeners in under an hour
TURNING POINT
This show was an interview with singer and songwriter Siri Akal.
AHHHHHH velvet operatic tones of screaming - this is it - when I am in alignment with my passion. This is when I attract my audience.
Why?
Because I am being REAL. My tone is true. Therefore I am resonating fully. And when I am in this pulsating space - others are bounding towards my message.
NOTE FROM HIGHER SELF - finally you understand
Footloose blaring from the radio
I am dancing
2021
I published a book
2022
I release an album of sounds - succulent sounds - buried voices that wish to be heard - to release reverberant voices that have been STUCK for far too long
What do I call it?
Born to stand out or Born to scream
Unbound Press has shifted my edges again, shaken my tail feather, ruffled me in the most delicious way…
2023
Standing on a stage
Performing a play
That I have written
THESE WORDS ARE A TURNING POINT
The play will most definitely be called
Born To Scream
Read more of my works here
Buy my book Light The Way over here delicious one
Want to hear some of the sounds I am creating head over to Cosmic Songbird you tube account
Greatest thanks to The Unbound Press too my publishers and forever inspiration to keep moving deeper into being unbound and letting out my voice